


The Greatest Post-Apocalypse of All Time

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Post-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 22:37:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2364539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 6 fill for the HSWC. </p><p>"Dave/John</p><p>Post-apocalyptic + Youtube Let's Play channels"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Greatest Post-Apocalypse of All Time

The crowd bristled. It was entertainment night in the camp, and every moment of levity and entertainment was a valuable commodity. Technical difficulties just didn't fit In with their schedule.

"Fuckin' piethe of garbage." The resident tech kicked the generator until it whirred to life, the Atari coming to life, the projector displaying a slightly different shade of nothingness on the sheets hung up as a makeshift screen. 

The MC walked out, clutching a battered toy microphone, slapping it a few times until it screeched with feedback. The crowd went wild. "Good evening, New Springfield! How are all you pathetic fuckshits doing? You slagchewers are in for a real treat tonight. We found another functioning goddamn Atari in the wasteland because fuck food or anything. Just make sure to grab the half broke shitty game console! But that means it's Let's Play night! A tradition passed down from the elders of Yootoobdacom. According to the Wikischolars. So, without further jaw flapping, say hello to these two assholes, my best pals and probably not yours... The Game Goofs!"

Dave and John stood at the edge of the arena, John elbowing Dave in the ribs lightly. "Dude can you not be a shitlord today and not trash today's game?"

"I make no guarantee, Egbert. If the scavengers dug up a shit pile, I'm gonna call it a shit pile. The crowds eat that shit up like it's an extra serving of plant slurry. What game is it anyway?"

"it is a big find! The scavs were in the wasteland, digging to find well access, and hit a concrete slab. They bust it open and just a tomb of Atari games!"

"Shit. Not the fucking Atari. This better not be Pac-Man all over again." Dave sighed, shoulders sagging, but headed for his seat, waving to the crowd.

John followed suit. "Come on. Maybe it'll be like Burjer Time!"

"I hated that game. What the hell is a burjer and why did the eggs have legs?"

The MC continued. "Tonight is a treat. It is a game about aliens! Excitement! I'm gonna bust out of my pants. According to the manual, you have to find parts for a communication device to call your species' light ship to get you off of a hostile planet. With help from your friend Ellllleeeeeot. Hope you dustbiters are ready!" And exit the MC.

"Okay. Cool." Dave took the controller as the blue and yellow title screen filled. "Uh. Yeah. This sure is... John?"

"Just hit the button."

"Okay. Haha. They told me to do that in the slurry chamber a lot. When I tried to tell them a scavenger had fallen in or a scabrat had gotten into the vegetation compartment. But whatever. Button pressed. What I'm saying is this is a bad idea and I'm probably going to get cholera." The crowd laughed as the game started, the main character on a screen with some objects.

Dave took two steps and E.T. fell into a pit. "Uh. Okay. Cool. How do I get out?" Dave mashed the button to no avail. "John?"

"Waggle the stick."

"John, I won't do that in the bunk and I'm not doing it here either."

"Whoa! Dave! I am not a homosexual." The crowd erupted. They loved a good catchphrase.

"Is that what you told the trade caravan too?"

"No, but I did get a deck of cards out of the deal." More laughter.

"Did I miss something with this pit?" Dave grimaced. "Does the manual say anything?"

"Hell if I know." John shrugged.

"You should have got a strategy guide from the caravan too." Everyone laughed, before klaxons began blaring. "Shit, looks like we're out of time! Join us next week if the incoming toxic dust storm doesn't devour our insides! And now, the closing prayer... likfavsubscribe..."

"Likfavsubscribe."


End file.
